agentbananayum

hello lovelies! It's me, abby! i wanted to update you on my life due to the last time i did was ALMOST A YEAR AGO WTF so yeah here we go...

i'm now a freshman in high school and i've been doing much better than I was in september, aka the last time I wrote a journal about my life. October - May 2014 was one huge struggle. December I self harmed almost daily, it got to an extreme point, to a point where I indeed did attempt suicide, but I was stopped by a person who I will not be mentioning, but let's say that this person now holds a very important place in my heart ((no i'm still single okay))

I've been clean for almost 8 months and it's felt great! I have had many, many urges. And almost have multiple times, but haven't and it's felt amazing. I did have suicidal thoughts in May, but we'll get to that.

February was one of the hardest months of my life, because I broke up with my internet best friend. I fucked up big time and I miss her loads and loads, but I did indeed apologize for my fuck up, but she didn't forgive me, and I understand that, now we aren't friends, we don't even talk anymore. Which is tragic, but I'm getting over it.

I guess when something terrible happens, another amazing thing can become of it. I did meet another girl over the internet in December and she is today my best friend, more like a sister. She's been there for me through so much and i love her tons and tons.

May some shit went down with one of my best friends, she said some horrible things about me and at that time I was back in my 'lonely hole' and I wanted to commit by throwing myself off of a cliff ((literally)) but I didn't and I didn't self harm because my friends asked me to hang out and so they stopped me. 

I also had one direction on July 11th and it was the best night of my life. Harry was so beautiful and so were all the others, it was hard not seeing zayn but you know haha

Also I saw 5 seconds of summer and cALUM WAS SO HOT

okay that's all haha. But I'm doing way better than I was before so that's good I suppose haha

all the love. -abby

I know most of most likely won't care but MY MOM IS GONNA TRY TO GET MY OTRA TICKETS FOR SAN FRAN IN JULY JAJKSFDLDFJKFDLKFHSbFHKaSLFVGDSFK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's not it though! I'd be going with my best friend Sammi, ALSO we'd go to Great America AND WE MIGHT GET MEET AND GREET TICKETS LIKE HOLY MOTHER FUCKER KSHGLKSHLFHS:fHKSJ I'M GONNA DIE IF SHE GETS THE TICKETS!!!!!!!!

So.. Lately people have been writing comments back to me that a wrote when I first joined dA (when I was 11... Hehe...) And obviously I was to young to join this sight, since now I'm 14.

So I wrote some pretty stupid comments, and people have been replying to them. 

If I wrote the comment 3 years ago, don't reply! People change! Like I'm not into Mario Bros anymore. I mean, I play occasionally but I've changed A LOT in these past few years which is something people don't understand and need to. I have people still commenting on my pictures, asking me about Mario Bros. Look I'm sorry but I'm not into that stuff anymore. I'm a 14 year old fangirl. I'm not in the Mario Bros fandom anymore. It hurts to say it but I've just grown out of it. I don't roleplay anymore I don't run my group much anymore, I don't draw much anymore, I'm not the same girl who joined this website years ago.

The comment I wrote was quite rude honestly, but I was 11! I didn't care about other's opinions. Now I do. 

Example: If you're apart of the 1D fandom, you'll know what Elounor and Larry are. If you aren't and don't know what those mean, SIT YO ASS DOWN.

Elounor is a ship name for Louis Tomlinson and Eleanor Calder (Louis' girlfriend)
Larry is a ship name for Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. People think the 2 are gay and have a secret relationship. 

People think Eleanor is Louis' beard. I'm an Elounor shipper so I don't believe that's true. I believe Louis and El have a true relationship.

If I was 11, I would've been hating on all Larry shippers and would've been a total bitch about it. 

Now, I know that Larry shippers are people too. We're all apart of the same fandom. I have SO many friends that are Larry shippers and we don't fight about it! 

See? I've changed XD

kbye!

Hey guys. There's a lot that needs to be said.

This year has been very different for me, physically and mentally. I'm in 8th grade and beginning to fall in love with not only fictional characters and/or celebrities. But real people in school. Don't worry i don't have a boyfriend or anything, but there's a special someone who's stolen my heart. I've liked him since December of 2013. I've refused to say I love him but I think it's come too that.

Latley I've been going through a lot, more like these past 2 months. I've been extremley busy with school, friends, and my love life. I volunteer now on Fridays at my elementary school with my friends. I'm busy every weekend and this week my friend is staying at my house.

My taste in music has changed drastically. Instead of liking Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, I like One Direction, who aren't as girly as you think, and 5 Seconds of Summer.

Also I've been going through depression. I've been self harming myself occasionally and have cried myself to sleep plenty of times. I've been bullied in school and it hasn't been very fun. I've been called gay many times. I'm not. I'm straight. I've fallen deeply in love with someone (a boy) and am not sexually attracted to girls. 

Something else has changed. I'm not a gamer anymore. I don't play Mario Bros a lot. I do occasionally, but not as much as I used to. I don't play very much anymore and don't draw Mario fan art, I barley even draw anymore.

I probably won't be posting very much on this account anymore, my username doesn't represent me anymore. I want to change my username but I don't have a premium so I can't.

I might leave this account. I don't want to since it's been with my for 2 years but it just doesn't represent me.

I won't be posting much at all anymore. Maybe some stories that I've written but that's all.

I don't draw very much anymore, since I have a lot on my plate.

I wish I could go back to the time when I loved to draw everyday and I loved playing Mario Bros and I wasn't falling for someone, but I've changed. I'm not that same happy bubbly girl who made this account 2 years ago. Instead of being myself around others, I've become very quiet and restricted. I don't like it. But it's who I've become. I don't want to force myself to play video games anymore. I don't want to force myself to draw because I honestly will think it looks like shit and I'll delete it.

I'm going into high school next year. I'm growing up. I'm not the same cute elementary 11 year old who created her account on this website called deviantART because her older sister did. I now have too many responsibilites to run this account and go onto dA 2 hours every day. I only come on here to reply to a long going note conversation with a few of my closest online friends who i could ever leave or else I wouldn't be here today.

If you want to keep in touch, please kik me at sh.abby

I won't be drawing Mario fanart anymore. It just isn't me. I won't leave this account, just won't be on as much, only to reply to note messages daily. I'm sorry but I can't anymore.

I love you guys more than anything. Thank you for making these 2 years worth it.

-Abby

GUYS!!! I'm going to a One Direction concert Thursday, September 11th and I'm SOOOOO EXCITED!!!
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I'm going with my best friend Sammi! But she's being effing ANNOYING at the moment UGH I wanna kill her!
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So she thinks my crush likes me back, and so do eight other people. So this is our convo word for word...

Sammi: I said Abby around him in the halls. I said "I'm going to a concert with Abby" to my friend and he stared at me like I was a diseased animal.

Me: What? Why would he stare at you like a diseased animal>

Sammi: Because I said your name and he likes you so he started to listen to me. Keep up Abby! Jk.

Me: That's not true!!! If he goes up to me and says "I heard you're going to a concert with your friend" then I'll believe you.

Sammi: Oh shut up he's too nervous to chat with you.

Me: How do you know that??

Sammi: Cause little tweety bird told me (:

Me: WHO'S THE TWEETY BIRD?!?!

Sammi: (;

Me: I'm literally going to kill you tomorrow. Who told you that?

Sammi: Nope.

Me: Sammi I'm not joking who told you that?

Me: No one told you that.

--

And she hasn't replied and tomorrow I'm gonna KILLLLL HERRRRRR!!!!!!!